How my morning is going.....

Morning. A time for calm introspection and quiet solitude to ponder on what this glorious day has to hold for you. When you can bask in the comfort of the warm bed and delicately stretch your muscles to invigorate and prepare you for the motions of the day. What is morning? It is the calm before the storm.

Unless you're a parent. 

Then morning is the unfair outcome of a night of cries over baby monitors, husbands coming to bed way too late, and reflections on the crazy, yet believable dreams you had during the night.

I used to be a morning person. And I still am to a certain extent. But when my son decides that 5:00 is the best time to wake up and demand attention, my enthusiasm for daybreak wanes. A lot. And today was an example of one of those mornings where I would have rather just pulled the blanket over my head and ignored the world. 

I could tell today was going to be a rough one when I woke up. Almost every Saturday is for some reason. And once again, I applaud those who have multiple children. Whether twins or just close in age, more than one child would definitely do me in. I can't handle the one I have and when I think about having another one (something we've been trying to do for about 7 months now), I only feel scared! Haha! I know it's different when the time comes and you adjust to it, just like you adjust to anything, but I feel like at this time in my life, I would really struggle with it. 

Donovan is at the age where I want to lock him in a sound proof closet most of the day. So, to put it in simple terms, this is not the age that makes me want to have another one. Maybe if we had had one a year ago or in a year from now, but Good Golly Miss Molly! Thinking about it now makes me break into hives. Maybe it's a good thing that Heavenly Father is making us wait again. He knows my sanity is lacking right now and I just wouldn't be able to handle it. And I'm ok with that! ;)

This morning has been full of repetitious warnings, scoldings and pleadings. I know two year olds test boundaries and whatnot, but good grief. If I have to tell my son to "Stop sitting on the cat", or "Stop throwing blocks at the cat's head" one more time, I swear my head is going to combust. I'm hoping the novelty wears off soon and he can go more than ten minutes without inflicting physical stress on the cat. :) She's pretty hearty though! And I know she can defend herself with her claws. Just try to mediate between them and it is a full time job.  

So I will end this post with a few uplifting thoughts now. As much as I complain about days like this, I know I am truly blessed to have such a smart, loving and thoughtful son. We waited two years for him and I will forever be thankful to my Father in Heaven for him. I am thankful for a husband who helps out when I'm lacking in patience and understanding. I am thankful for parents and parents-in-law who love us and love our son and spoil him rotten. I hope those reading this don't think I, in any way, regret having my son. There are just hard days. And today was one of them. Donovan is, and always will be, my baby and I love him more than I can ever describe. 

Parenting is hard. But so rewarding. It is hard to be a parent with major depression. It eats at you and makes you all the more sensitive to the little things. And then when you give in and yell or scold or swat, your guilt is ten fold and you feel like the worst parent ever. I'm trying very hard to make myself understand that every parent has days like this and every parent feels the guilt of things said or done in the heat of the moment. It's at these times that I am grateful for repentance and toddlers who love unconditionally. Their snuggles and kisses and hugs just make everything better. So today I may fail as a parent, but tomorrow is brand new! I can make it what I want it to be. And this momma wants it to be full of happiness and patience and praise and love. I can do this! And so can you!